YouTubesday...LONG version.

FIRST OFF: I'm sick in bed!!!! I was supposed to have attended a Ladies' Bible Class at 8:00...and have made banana bread this afternoon, and have run errands before that--and was certainly NOT SUPPOSED to have spent the last twenty minutes of work today curled up on the floor with a horrible stomachache! It was so embarrassing...it was Melanie's first day (the new aide from Belgium, who probably thinks I'm krazy-with-a-k). Also, a computer technician stopped by the campus with more squash and some black-eyed peas from his garden only to find me on the floor near the computers. He had to help me up...oh, man, I'm getting OLD.

In fact, it's eight hours later and I still can't stand up straight. I'm going to go take some more ibuprofen...be right back…

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Okay...back to the draft I started this morning before school...

(One commenter wrote, “I like how apparently Margie is too incompetent to figure out ‘stir’ on her own, but ‘mixing with a circular motion to ensure uniform consistency’...THAT she gets.” Another person wished for the bots…like any good MST3K fan.)

That "Scalloped Cauliflower" recipe, btw, nearly made me urp. (White sauce? Scalding? SCUM? FAT? LUMPS? Greased baking dish? Bread crumbs?) ICK! Why not just frost the whole head and decorate it with gummy bears?

Forget steaming cauliflower and allowing its tasty wholesomeness to delight your senses. Drizzle maple syrup on it instead, Margie. Or get your grape jelly to 220 degrees and let it “sheet” from the spoon all over Tim’s poor, soggy, boiled cauliflower.

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I originally went to YouTube looking for videos about how to cook squash because one of the guys at the Tech Center brought me two from his garden. I used the first one to make Squash Muffins, a recipe my old Girl Scout troop leader submitted to a Plymouth, New Hampshire cookbook (typed up and emailed twenty years later by the world’s best childhood friend, Melanie Cray!).

Two of the best videos came from YouTube user “foodwishes.”

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Update: This afternoon, while I lay dying from gallbladder disease or kidney stones or whatever is wrong with me, Falisha sent me this YouTube video. It hurt to laugh...but I did, anyway.

Here's my deepest wish...I'm going with Kirsten to Germany in 2010, and I'd LOVE to find a video that will get me in shape while simultaneously teaching me handy Deutsch phrases I can sling about in bahnhofs (trainstations) and the streets of Oberammergau. Let's see...what useful phrases could I repeat while smiling and hopping and stretching?

Perhaps:

Ich brauche eines Abführmittel!
("I need a laxative!")

Ich hasse dein Pauschaltarif.
("I hate your flat-rate tariff.")

Lassen Sie uns Holländisch gehen!
("Let's go Dutch!")

Ich liebe y'all!